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  • Writer's pictureSera

Keep Your Fetish In Your Pants

Gosh! It has been proper AGES since I wrote a blog post. I keep meaning to do these on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, but then my busy life gets away from me and I just forget... for months. I do plan on posting here much more regularly going forward. Perhaps that should be my resolution for the new year?


See if you guys can hold me to it: I hereby give thee permission to text/email and shame me if I haven't blogged at least once every 2 weeks.


~~~~~


I have a topic today that I would like to discuss, as it is one I frequently deal with to varying degrees of annoyance. This is much less of a sex work specific topic, although I will be approaching it from a sex work angle as that has been my primary experience.


Basically: fellas... ladies... non binary folks... for the love of fuck keep your fetish in your pants.


What I mean by that is: do not expect other people to enjoy the same fetishes you do. Do not push them on anyone else, especially not after they have ALREADY TOLD YOU they are NOT a fetish provider.


This is a problem I encounter fairly regularly. I am not, never have been, and never will be, a fetish provider. I am not a dominatrix. I am not interested in providing these services. This should be fairly clear from a cursory glance at my website and yet I am still often asked whether I do. The initial ask is not usually a problem (just minorly irritating), the problem is that for some reason people looking for fetish do not know how to take "no" for an answer. I always respond by saying I am NOT a fetish provider and that you should probably message someone who explicitly states that they ARE a fetish provider instead. And there is where it gets extremely annoying...


I do not understand why this happens, but in my experience as a provider the interaction will ALWAYS continue with pushiness/bargaining on behalf of their fetish. For some reason every single person who messages me inquiring about fetish will not accept my no. And I do mean...

every

single

person.


I can break these down into 3 distinct categories of behaviour.


The first type (and by far most common) will look like this:


"Hello Sera! I am wondering if you provide fetish services?"

"Hello, I do not. I suggest you message someone who advertises for fetish."

"Well I'm just looking for (service) because (reason)"

"I am not a fetish provider. I do not provide fetish services."

"But it just helps me get off and I really like it so I'm hoping that's something you're interested in?"

"NO."

"I just thought you seemed like the type because (reason), *add more bargaining here*"


At this point I am about ready to reach through the phone and pop their head like a big zit, but sadly my magical text-based bitch slapping powers are not yet fine tuned enough for that. So instead I have to settle for using some very choice language and immediately blocking them.


The second type is much more frustrating. After some pushiness, they will then resort to agreeing with you. "Okay that's totally fine and I completely understand, I would like to book you anyway for a normal session please!"


At first this seems wonderful, they understood and respected my boundaries! They will book and provide references/deposits... and as time moves closer to their appointment they will start pushing more and more for their desired fetish through text/email. They never end up showing up for their appointment... because they were "hoping for a kinkier/more fetish based time" even though I was EXPLICITLY clear that would not happen FROM THE BEGINNING.


I have had massive blocks of time in my schedule taken up due to this behaviour and have lost thousands of dollars because of it. I now very rarely trust a booking from someone who has previously asked for a fetish/kinky session, and may demand a larger deposit than usual from them.


The third type is more reasonable, but unfortunately exists as a miniscule minority compared to the other 2.


These ones start out with a similar bargaining approach as the first type but will quickly back off when you put your foot down. They may even book a session and actually show up for it! Generally they still cannot help but to text you mildly erotic things related to their specific fetish (bordering on sexting), making it clear that they do truly hope you will change your mind and provide the service they are wanting. I find this very inappropriate since I am not being compensated as I would be for an actual sexting session... so I never engage. If you are going to be flirtatious/sext me you should actually pay for my time... especially if I've never even met you.


However, these guys will at least show up for their booking. Generally I don't have any issues with them in session and they're lovely/respectful. Rarely do they push my boundaries in person and try to get their fetishy session after all, although this does occur from time to time. (Which is just an extremely effective way to have your time cut short and find yourself on my blacklist!)


So... now that I've covered what makes this so frustrating, let me give my opinion on why I think it happens:


Because their (your) fetish is so sexual/attractive to them (you), they (you) just honestly don't grasp that someone else (I/me) might just not be into it.


If you're all horned up and turned on by this specific thought... you probably can't imagine that I am not also horned up and turned on in that moment. You're in the mood! Thoughts racing, blood pumping, pants tightening... you are not in the mental position to disconnect your sexual energy from the person you want to share it with.


Unfortunately this ends up resulting in a sexual scenario being pushed on another human being without their consent. And that is truly what this boils down to: consent.


If someone does not consent (sex worker or otherwise) to your request, just DROP IT IMMEDIATELY. (Regardless of whether you think your fetish is the hottest thing ever/completely harmless.) That is a human being who is probably very uncomfortable/annoyed at your pushiness. My no is definite and absolute. There is zero need for me to repeat it.


~~~~~


Well, I feel a lot less frustrated now that I've gotten that all off my chest! I think this post would fall primarily into the "ranting" category... but sometimes I just need a good rant. Gotta get those annoyance gremlins out before I become a vibrating ball of fuuuuuuuu-.


In closing, I do hope you can see why this would be an incredibly frustrating thing to deal with. Especially when it has cost me (and I'm sure others) a lot more money than you might have expected. And even if no one out there reads this and looks inwardly at their own behaviour, maybe some of you at least found it interesting!


Remember, if the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. Or whatever.


That's it for me today! Talk soon and please stay safe, have fun, and always tip your whores!




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