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(And my snarky answers.)

(How to impress me.)

Q: Do you see couples?

A: Only if both other parties possess a penis! Sorry, but I'm very straight... no girl on girl from me, and I'm not comfortable being watched by your female partner either. 2 dudes though... now you're talking my language!

Q: Do you offer HH/short appointments?

A: No. If I did, they would be listed. I consider this the same as asking for a discount. Respect my rates and book my minimum time (1 hour).

Q: Do you do last minute appointments? Can I come now?

A: No. My minimum notice requirements are listed on my schedule page. Even with enough notice there is no guarantee I will be available.

Q: Darn, well can you let me know if someone cancels? I can come right away!

A: Unless you have already passed screening, provided a deposit, or are a repeat customer this is not possible. Screening and booking you in takes time.

Q: Can I provide different screening? I'll just bring you a cash deposit in person.

A: That completely negates the point of screening. I'm not meeting you anywhere for a "deposit" or to "verify" you.

Q: We've never met but I would like an overnight.

A: I'm not agreeing to an extended session with someone I may not vibe with. We can start with a shorter booking and if we are getting along well we can then extend it.

Q: Can you do a FMTY to my city?

A: That is a potential option, click here for more information on FMTY bookings!

Q: Do you like rough play? Can I spank you?

A: Only if you want the session to end immediately! I do not allow myself to be treated roughly at all, nor do I allow anyone to lay their hands on me in an aggressive way.

Q: I know it says you don't discuss services but can you please tell me what's included??

A: Why, precisely, do you think you're so special that I will break my main rule for you?? If you NEED a specific service then book a provider who explicitly offers it. You might be a disgusting, demanding, unhygienic asshole... read my donations page and leave me alone.

Q: Should I bring wine/a gift for our appointment?

A: A gift is aways appreciated, especially when it is thoughtful or useful! Unfortunately I am very allergic to alcohol, so I cannot share any with you. But you are free to bring some for yourself!

Q: Will you film onlyfans content with me??

A: Read my blog post "don't do this one simple thing". Don't bother trying to get back to me afterwards, I've already blocked you.

Q: Can I leave you a review?

A: *NO!* Sorry for the dramatic bolding here, but I no longer allow reviews. Our time is private and for us alone to share. If you are a review board member who actively posts reviews I do not want to see you *at all*. I do not trust that you will respect my privacy.


Please do not arrive early for your appointment. If you are 10 minutes early, just sit and wait in your vehicle (or elsewhere, discreetly) until your appointment time.


Please, please, PLEASE... do not enter the building before I have given you the okay to do so. Do not come inside and wait in the lobby for me to be ready! I may require you to buzz in from the outside, or I just may not be comfortable with you sitting around downstairs.


Do not ever. Ever. EVER... lay your hands on another human being without asking their permission first. DO NOT spank someone without ASKING FIRST. I have punched people directly in the face due to being spanked so hard I was left with a HANDPRINT WELT on my body for over a WEEK... more than once. So no, you may not spank me.


I will provide everything you might need for freshening up, including a towel, deodorant, mouthwash, gum, soap... please use them!

Make SURE you have washed between your cheeks (with soap). Trust me... the smell is obvious if you haven't. If I offer you gum, take it.


Your fingernails being even slightly untrimmed will feel like you are cutting/pinching in certain areas. Make sure you use the flat, soft part of your finger to touch and NEVER the edge of the nail!


I understand that if you're married and need to be discreet, you may not be able to manscape without questions being asked at home. However rocking a full bush will lead to much less mouth time down there, just FYI.


Don't walk in trying to run the show and start demanding I do a bunch of things. Just relax and let me take care of you. Being demanding will only ensure you will not get a second appointment.


If you want to know how to please me, all you have to do is... touch me! I love being touched all over. I love a good, deep massage or the soft teasing of fingertips across my back. I will absolutely melt in your hands if you know how to go slow and savour every moment.


My onlyfans might have you all hot and bothered, but please do not expect that you are getting a representation of what a session with me is like. I film porn... not my sessions. It's made with the camera in mind and is a completely different experience than seeing me.

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