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  • Writer's pictureSera

Basic Client Etiquette: Hygiene

I covered a few simple hygiene requests in my hotel post, but I wanted to go into more detail on certain issues.

Hygiene is an interesting social experiment that seems to heavily depend on the culture of the city someone is located in (more so the one they grew up in, but that's a slightly more complicated metric for me to measure). One wouldn't think there would be a huge difference in the basic hygiene of clients between say... Calgary and Edmonton? Yet for some reason these 2 cities have a vast difference in their concepts of personal grooming and cleanliness.

Sorry Edmonton... but Calgary by far wins this battle of Alberta. Calgary clients have overall (not as a 100% rule but just generally speaking) far better hygiene practises than Edmontonians.

So, let's cover a few hygiene requests and explain why your service provider will appreciate you for adhering to them!

Pubes: Everyone has them, so it's no big deal right? Some people even prefer things au naturel! I'm sure my SP won't mind having to physically part my red sea with her hands to access my manhood!

Sorry, but if she says she doesn't mind it's because she is being polite. You have paid her for her time, she's probably not going to be completely honest here. Pubes smell worse as they trap in moisture and sweat (as well as bits of TP, lint, and other chunky pieces of yuck). We absolutely do NOT want to give you a blowjob if you're sporting a full bush. Want more mouth time action down there? Shave or trim that shit before your appointment.

They can also cause discomfort and chafing during sex, especially with a lot of grinding or going for longer/more rounds. But so can stubble, so try to make it as smooth as possible for your visit!

If you can't trim/shave due to discretionary reasons we totally understand. Just be aware that it might be what's preventing you from getting more oral fixation from us.

For Fuck's Sake Wash Your Ass: Why do I have to explain this to grown men? Why isn't it 100% known that you have to wash your crack with soap?? Someone please tell me because these are the questions that keep me up at night.

When you have your shower you should take a good sized amount of body wash and scrub right up between your cheeks. Just do it. Just wash your stinky goddamn asscrack for the love of Jesus. Use a whole palm of soap just for your ass, balls, and dick. Don't lather a little bit on your chest and then rub the remainder down there, use an entire glob just for your nethers. I want to smell nothing but soap from that region.

Your Breath: I hate to break it to you, but your breath probably stinks. I always provide mouthwash in the bathroom for client use, and I always have gum on me if needed. Otherwise immaculately clean, hygienic men still seem to sport bad breath on the regular. To be completely honest, most of my appointments have noticeably smelly breath. You just ate? Yeah, I can smell it. You just smoked? Yeah, I know. You just had a coffee? Trust me, I can tell. You haven't eaten anything in hours? Actually this is the worst of all.

Bring gum. Eat some mints before arrival. Use the mouthwash provided. Ask me for a piece of gum. Want a weirdly good tip? Drinking most sodas actually kills bad breath better than all these other things. Sure, you might be a little burpy but a coke zero gives you weirdly fresh breath.

Farting: Either hold the damn thing in or excuse yourself to the bathroom. If you fart while my face is anywhere near that region, I am going to be ticked off for a while. It's an excellent way to turn me off immediately I guess, if you like it when the girl is not having a good time. If one sneaks out then do the reasonable thing and apologize and allow me to step away for a bit. If you have just farted in my face do not expect that I will be willing to keep sucking your dick. You've lost that privilege.

B.O.: Look, I totally understand that some people have medical conditions that cause extreme body odour issues which soap/deodorant do not fix. However, I know that this is a very small percentage of the population and the amount of people with BO issues we encounter is far too large for that to always be the explanation. You should treat an appointment with an SP like a date... rub so much deodorant on your pits that it's a little ridiculous, just in case. Hint: spray on deodorants don't last a fraction as long as stick ones. If you applied in the morning, you probably already smell a little by the time your appointment rolls around. Add to that the odds that we are going to be getting all hot and sweaty, and bam! You're now assaulting our nostrils with your man musk.

I provide a spray on deodorant in the bathroom for every appointment, it's right beside the mouthwash. If you haven't applied yours at home just before leaving to come see me, then be sure to scrub your pits with soap in the shower and spray on some of mine.

TBH you should be scrubbing your pits with soap even if your SP doesn't provide deodorant, as doing that should keep them fresh for shorter bookings.

Alright, well those are a few of the biggest things I wanted to cover! Obviously there are a lot of other topics under this umbrella that should be discussed, but I want to keep these posts short and sweet if I can.

I understand that things like this often just slip people's minds, so I'm not trying to say that if you don't adhere to these your SP will hate you and never want to see you again. These are just tips to make you the absolute best client possible. It's about making sure you stand out in all of the best ways, and leave her thinking "wow, I really hope he books again!" She might even prioritize you over other bookings, if she knows she can trust you to be clean and polite!

Anyway, that's it from me for today! Thanks for stopping by and remember to have fun, be safe, and always tip your whores.


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